Lisa's Crumby Afternoon
by SoI'llKillYou
Summary: Lisa wants one of Lori's cookies. It shouldn't be hard for the smartest Loud to get one...right?


**Guess who's back  
That's right, after a few months of inactivity(thanks to taking on a second job)  
Twisteddarkness225 and I are back online.**

 **This story you're about to read is a oneshot born from two things  
**

 **One,a desire to get back into the rhythm of writing  
And two, to let everyone know about our poll  
We've got a few ideas for our next story, but since we can't decide which one to write, we're going to let you decide. Have a look when you finish the story**

 **And with that, please enjoy...**

 **Lisa's Crumby Afternoon**

Snacks were an item which didn't last for long in the Loud House. Anything purchased by either Mr. or Mrs. Loud while at the grocery store was almost always gone before two days had passed. The remainder of the time they didn't even last that long. So many of the Loud children resorted to using their own money to obtain the tasty treats that they craved. As a result of this, there was an element of possessiveness over them. In most cases, the siblings didn't mind to share with one another. But there was almost always a certain item that each of them had that was off limits to the others. No exceptions.

These items varied as greatly as the children's personalities did. Lola had little boxes of gourmet cupcakes from a bakery downtown. Lynn had protein bars which always had chocolate in them. There were bags of organic frozen berries that Leni uses to make her smoothies. In the fridge one would find pre-made pie crusts which Luan would use as she pleased, occasionally even eating the pies she made with them. And each week, Lana got fresh crickets to share with Hops.

For the most part, the ten girls and one boy respected and observed the wishes of the others to refrain from touching their personal snack items. Not that Lana ever had to worry about someone coming after hers. But there was one that was prized above all snack foods in the household. Something so tasty it would be eaten up in seconds. In addition to that, it was also something that was only available for purchase for a short time period each year.

A box of the Bluebell Scouts most popular cookies. The fudge-filled snickerdoodles. Or as they were commonly called, Fudgedoodles. Obtaining a box of these was very difficult as they were always sold out ludicrously quick. Even with limits placed on the number of boxes that anyone could purchase, there were always gone within a single day. But there was one in the house, sitting right atop the refrigerator. And it belonged to Lori.

Now this would definitely be a fact that kept the other sisters and Lincoln from touching the heavenly delicious baked goods. Because those cookies weren't just Lori's own personal property, bought with the money she earned from her job. No, they were her primary comfort food. If she had a rough day, she would eat one. When she missed her Boo-Boo Bear, she'd eat a few. On the rare occasions she had an argument with him, an entire row would be shoveled into her mouth and she'd slowly chew on them, letting the flavor help ward of the sadness and anger. Touching those cookies was a risk that any of her younger siblings knew better than to take. That is to say, any other than Lisa Loud.

The young genius was more than well aware of the consequences that could result from her actions. But she was brilliant well beyond her years and more than confident enough to know she could pull it off. She only wanted one of the cookies after all, something that Lori would easily overlook. Even if she did notice it, that wouldn't be until it was long gone and Lisa didn't plan on leaving behind any evidence that she was responsible. It was almost the perfect plan. There was just one little issue she had to deal with first.

How to get the dang things down from way up on top of the fridge!

Lisa stood in the dining room, peering from behind the entrance to the kitchen, her eyes locked on the box of cookies. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a small tracking device and checked the screen. There were several colored dots in places all around the house, orange, blue, black, lilac, purple, and pink, but the sky blue colored dot was missing. Lisa smiled.

"With Lori gone, retrieving those cookies will be as easy as 3.14159265359." Lisa said to herself.

She chuckled as she pulled a large briefcase up to her side and opened it. She rummaged around inside it before pulling out a claw loaded gun. She carefully took aim at the box of cookies and pulled the trigger. The claw went flying out of the gun barrel, rope trailing behind it. But the shock of the claw flying out sent Lisa stumbling backwards, landing squarely on her rump. She rubbed at the offended spot in irritation.

"It would seem that I have forgotten to take into account the effect of recoil when a gun is fired." Lisa thought.

The rope suddenly tensed, its claw having found a target. Lisa quickly pressed another button on the gun, causing the rope to retract. Saliva began to trickle from the corners of Lisa's mouth at the thought of eating the Fudgedoodles. But her watering mouth dried almost instantly when the claw returned with a bag of reduced sodium kale puffs in its grip. She frowned as she dropped the bag on the floor.

"Let's try that again." Lisa thought.

She peeked into the kitchen again before firing the gun again. Once again she was shaken by the recoil, but still remained standing. The rope tensed again, and Lisa pressed the retract button. But this time, the claw returned with a can of powdered coffee creamer. Lisa's brows furrowed together

"Curse this faulty device!" she said. "How difficult is it to grasp a small cardboard box?"

Lisa readied her claw for another attempt and fired. This time she stood her ground and more importantly, she hit her mark. But as the rope tensed and retracted, the claw came loose and was left behind, still attached to the box. Lisa gaped at the unfortunate happening as the rope was sucked back into her gun, the device now useless in her endeavor.

"Very well then." Lisa thought. "Let's try plan B."

Going back into her brief case, Lisa selected a pair of shoes she had within. She put them on in place of her regular footwear and strolled into the kitchen. Taking a place in front of the refrigerator, she smiled as she clicked her heels together. From the soles of each shoe, a telescoping cylinder began to appear, raising Lisa up from the floor. Soon she'd reach the necessary height to simply take the box by hand. This was much more efficient than her previous method. She felt a little silly for not having gone with it in the first place. But that was irrelevant now. Her goal was nearly within reach.

Suddenly, Lisa noticed that she was ascending faster than she should have been. And her speed was continuing to increase. Before she could even attempt to do anything, she had shot straight up and bumped her head on the ceiling. She then lost her balance and fell down to the floor, once again landing on her rear end. After taking a moment to allow herself a small whimper of pain, she looked to see if she could figure out what had gone wrong. And when she did, she found that both of her escalating shoes were now broken. Their cylinders had snapped in two as she fell, unable to withstand the force of her body toppling to the ground.

Plan C is was, then. Lisa kicked off the broken shoes and shuffled over to her briefcase. This next idea was a bit superfluous in her opinion, but she wasn't going to let it stop her. Pulling a small jet pack out, she put it on and then put on a helmet for safety. She didn't like the idea of wasting even the smallest amount of fuel, but the flavor sensation that awaited her was a reward that would easily compensate for that. She activated the pack, feeling the force it generated beginning to lift her up. Allowing herself to hover for a few seconds, she turned to face the kitchen so she could move in to obtain her quarry.

"Now, you are mine!" Lisa thought aloud, her eyes focused on her target.

Lisa went to move forward, but found herself moving too fast once more. But just before she could be propelled dead ahead at who knows what speed, she managed to ditch her jet pack. She fell a few inches onto the floor and looked up in time to see the pack rocketing out of control. It spiraled all over the room, almost like a kite caught in a strong and erratic wind. Then it suddenly shot towards the front door, just as it was opening. Lisa watched wide eyed as Leni entered the house and was greeted by the sight of Lisa's jet pack heading right towards her.

"Ohmygosh!" Leni cried out, turning to run for her life. "Killer backpack! Killer backpack!"

Lisa grumbled loudly as she watched the her elder sister scramble out of the door to escape the jetpack. She turned and stomped over to her briefcase.

"Well then." she thought. "It would seem that I have no choice but to use my last resort."

She turned back to her briefcase and rummaged around before she removed a silver ball the size of a large grapefruit. There were tiny holes on the surface with blinking green lights visible through them. Lisa carefully ran her hands over it until her fingers found a small switch.

"My experimental anti-gravity device." Lisa thought. "I know I should probably test it first, but Lori could be back at any minute. This is an emergency."

Lisa pressed the switch on the ball, causing it to emit a loud, warbling noise. The green lights on the ball began to blink and flash even faster before the color slowly changing from green to blue. Once the lights changed, Lisa slowly began to float in the air.

"Success!" Lisa said, throwing her hands up in jubilation before she turned her attention to the fridge. "I believe this calls for a reward. And I know just the one."

After a few seconds, she slowly floated back to the ground. She bent her knees and gently pushed off the floor, jumping higher than her short legs would normally allow. In just a few hops she made her way to the top of the fridge. She reached out for the box of cookies with her free hand.

"Hello delicious morsels." Lisa said.

But just as her fingers grazed the cardboard surface, there was a loud popping and sparking sound coming from her other hand. She looked down at her anti-gravity device. The lights, which were supposed to be a solid blue, were now flickering before changing purple. Once the color changed, the box of cookies began to float off off the fridge into the air.

"Oh no you don't!" Lisa said as she swam through the air to reach her prize. But as she moved, she also noticed that the fridge, along with almost everything else in the kitchen, was also beginning to float. "Uh-oh."

The large appliance slowly moved towards Lisa, gently making contact. As this happened, the box of Fudgedoodles floated just out of her reach. Lisa saw the opportunity to climb over the fridge and move herself closer to the cookies. But the popping and sparking noise sounded again from her device, followed by a plume of smoke escaping it as it died. The return of gravity soon ended Lisa's attempt as everything fell back to the floor. Lisa tried to grab the edge of the top of the fridge, but couldn't keep her grip and fell back down onto her bottom.

"Dang it! My poor posterior!" She whined, getting up and rubbing her sore area.

Once she had taken a moment to get past the discomfort she was feeling, Lisa reviewed her options. All of the devices she had brought had failed in some manner. She hadn't expected that to occur. It was as improbable as it was frustrating. And with the clock ticking, she had little choice but to go with a new plan. She would need to enlist assistance from one of her siblings. It was simply a matter of whom she should choose.

"Let me see." she silently mused. "Luan and Lynn are both out at the moment. As is Leni after that failure with my jetpack. Perhaps Lincoln would be a good candidate. He is quite helpful when the need arises."

No sooner had she considered asking her elder brother than did she recall an all too important fact. Lincoln was the absolute _last_ sibling to rely upon when procuring Bluebell Scout cookies of any kind. His tendancy to inhale them ensured that he could very well prove more a hindrance than an asset. Lisa could recall one incident when he had cleaned out nearly a dozen boxes of them in just a single sitting.

"Ten and a half boxes gone in just under six minutes." Lisa thought. "Not even a crumb left behind. Though that day was very good for my bathroom study, it serves as proof as to why Lincoln would be the least practical choice."

As the second youngest Loud wracked her brain for the best choice, Lola sauntered into the kitchen. She pulled open the freezer and searched through it carefully, before shutting the door with a grunt of irritation.

"Dang it!" she said. "I'm out of Little Princess Pies. Now what am I supposed to do for a snack?"

Lisa pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with her fingertip. "Not the ideal choice." she thought. "But I suppose she'll do."

Lisa walked over to Lola. "Elder sister," she began. "I have a proposition for you."

"I am not testing another one of your hair straightening formulas!" Lola said cattily.

Lisa rolled her eyes. "That's not what I was going to ask about." she said.

"Then is this about your hair growth formula?" Lola asked as she flipped her hair gracefully. "Because, it already worked after the last one made my hair fall out."

Lisa shook her head and pointed at the top of the fridge. "This is a matter involving Lori's box of Fudgedoodles." she said.

Lola looked up at the fridge, saliva beginning to gather at the corners of her mouth. "Our eldest sister has placed them far out of my reach in order to protect them." Lisa said. "But since you, like me, are feeling a bit peckish at the moment, I would like your assistance in retrieving them from their place atop the refrigerator."

Lola cocked an eyebrow. "Well I guess I could help you out here." she said with a shrug. "But my assistance doesn't come for free you know."

"Yes yes." Lisa said. "I assume you'd like something in return."

"If I help you get the box down, then we'll split the cookies 60/40." Lola said. "Deal?"

"I don't actually want that many." Lisa said. "I only plan to take a small enough amount so that Lori is less likely to notice they're missing."

"That works for me." Lola said. "I'll just take however many I want then."

"You do realize that Lori won't take kindly to you taking so much of her food, don't you?" Lisa pointed out.

"I know that." Lola said. "But I don't really mind."

Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed in exasperation. "You're going to blame me, aren't you?" she asked.

"Maaaaybe." Lola said looking away. "Now do you want my help to get those cookies or not?"

"Taking into consideration that there is a highly probable liklihood of granting you leverage, I'm going to have to decline. I will seek assisstance from an alternate source."

"Oh? And what's to stop me from just letting Lori know what you're up to?"

"In exchange for your silence, I shall do your homework for you for a single week."

"How about a month?" Lola asked.

"Two weeks, final offer." Lisa counter-offered.

Lola shrugged again. "Works for me. Good luck getting those cookies without my help though."

The pageant princess left, off to see if perhaps she could find some of the dark chocolate-covered cherries that Lucy had hidden away. Lisa noted that she had a little bit of swagger in her step on the way, undoubtedly due to the deal she had just struck with Lisa. The genius didn't really let it get to her though. She knew she could breeze her way right through all of Lola's assignments without even a hint of difficulty. If anything it would just serve as a way to pass the time when she found herself waiting patiently for the results of one of her lab experiments.

Lisa returned her thoughts to which of her other siblings she could call upon. Luna would be a reliable choice. She was both tall enough to reach the desired box and trustworthy enough to keep a secret. Plus she would be very unlikely to ask for anything in return. At least not when compared to Lola's demands.

The logic was sound. Lisa would seek out her third eldest sister and request her aid. Checking her tracking device again she found that Luna had moved from the house out to the garage. She went to put it away, but then thought of something and did a second check. To her dislike, she noticed that Lori's sky blue dot was on the move. It was still a good distance away, but definitely heading towards home. She needed to act fast.

Rushing out of the back door, Lisa beelined towards the garage. She spotted the older brunette quickly, along with some of her peers. They were setting up their equipment for what Lisa could only presume was going to be the start of a jam session.

Uh-oh...

Lisa saw Luna pick up her trusty axe, the instument plugged into an amp. Her eyes went wide and she stopped in her tracks, her hands flying up to cover her ears. But despite that, the chord Luna struck was powerful enough to get through. Then the others began to play along with Luna, the cacophony of rock drowning out all other sounds. Lisa had to turn back and get inside. Not only was it unreasonable to expect Luna would hear her over the din, she couldn't even get close enough to enter the teen's field of vision. Her tinnitus was already driving her out of her mind.

Lisa scrambled back into the house with her hands clasped over her ears. Tearing through the kitchen, she ran into the living room and dove under the couch. She pulled out a magazine, a doll, and a piece of cake in a tupperware container before pulling out the sound cancelling headphones she had stashed there. She put the headphones on, feeling comfort in the complete lack of sound they brought.

"Sweet relief." she thought. "Perhaps Lincoln was on to something when he bought those Noise-B-Gone earbuds."

As Lisa's ears stopped ringing, she was able to collect her thoughts. "So it would seem that Luna is out of the running for assisting me." she thought as she looked down at her tracking device. The light blue dot was getting closer every passing moment. "And I need to think of a way to get those cookies down before Lori gets..."

Suddenly, the lights in every room in the house began to flicker for a few seconds before going out. There were cries of irritation from each level of the house.

"What's going on?!" Leni said, having just gotten back after escaping the 'killer backpack'. "I can't see!"

"Sorry! So sorry guys!" Luna shouted from the garage. "Looks like I knocked out the power again. Had my amp turned up too high!"

The cries grew even more angered. "Someone flip the circuit breaker." Lincoln said. "I can't read my comics in the dark!"

"And I can't have a tea party when I can't see my guests!" Lola piped up

"And I can't shower in the dark." Lucy droned. "With no light, the water feels like a cruel, unforgiving thunderstorm. Or a gushing wave of bitter tears from the eyes of a heartbroken goddess...on second thought...you don't have to be so quick about turning the lights back on."

Granted, wearing her headphones Lisa couldn't actually hear anything her siblings were saying. But they did say it all. She stood up and dusted herself off.

"Perhaps I should turn the lights back on before trying again." she said to herself.

Lisa removed her headphones and stuffed them back under the couch. Then she took out a penlight and turned it on, heading for the basement. But as soon as she put her hand on the doorknob, the lights turned back on, illuminating the house once again. Lisa squinted her eyes at the sudden return of brightness.

"That's odd." Lisa thought. "Is someone already down there?"

She opened the door to see Lana coming up the stairs, a satisfied grin on her face.

"Hey Lisa." she said .

"Lana, what were you doing in the basement?" Lisa asked.

Lana held up a handful of dryer lint. "Cleaning out the lint trap." she said. "Lori was washing her gym clothes. Talk about a score! This is gonna go great on my lint sculpture of Pop-Pop."

Lisa rubbed her chin thoughtfully and turned around to look at the box of cookies on the fridge.

She smiled at Lana.

"Elder sister." she said. "I have a proposition for you."

Lana gave a blank stare in return.

"I'd like to make a deal with you." Lisa elaborated. "Do you see the box of Fudgedoodles that is currently atop our refrigerator?"

The dirty twin's head craned up as she looked at the mentioned box of cookies. Her own face broke into a wide grin and she suddenly dashed out of the room. Lisa looked on, slightly confused for all of a moment before she concluded that her sister must be off to retrieve something to use in obtaining the cookies. She found that she was correct less than a minute later when Lana returned, holding a length of rope in her hands.

"Just a sec, Lis." Lana said, tying one end of the rope into a lasso. "I'll get those puppies down in a jif!"

Lana began to twirl her lasso overhead, carefully aiming for her target. She let it fly up and over the fridge, her first attempt missing by just an inch.

"Dang it." She muttered. "Sorry about that. I'll get it this time."

Her second try met expectations, the loop landing over the box. Lana tugged on her end and secured the coveted box for Lisa and herself. Lisa jumped for joy, letting out a single 'hurrah' for her elder sister's success. Lana bowed and then held out the box for Lisa to take.

"No, I insist that you have the first of the spoils." Lisa said. "But please refrain from taking more than one. These are Lori's and I wouldn't wish to incur her wrath. The less that there is missing, the less likely she will seek out the perpetrator."

"Got it." Lana said with a nod before she opened the box and reached inside. "Come to mama!"

Lana grabbed a hold of the box's contents, but seemed a bit surprised by what she found. After a moment though, her face lit up and she pulled out her prize. Lisa didn't share in Lana's excitement though. What her sister had extracted was indeed a tasty treat, but not one intended for human consumption. It was a dog biscuit. Beef and gravy flavored to be precise.

"Aw sweet!" Lana cheered. "I wondered what happened to these! I thought they were all gone!"

"Wha...what in the name of Pavlov?!" Lisa cried out, snatching the box and checking inside. "Why are Charles's treats inside of Lori's box of Fudgedoodles?!"

"Beats me." Lana said, taking a bite of her dog treat. "But these are just as good if you ask me. Try one!"

"No, thank you." Lisa deadpanned before letting out a sigh. "I cannot believe that all of my efforts earlier were for naught. To think I could've been using my time for more productive things than attempting to pilfer Lori's cookies!"

"You were trying to do _what_ to my cookies?" Came an irritated sounding voice.

Lisa twitched a bit before turning around to see the familiar figure of her eldest sister. Her face, which she expected to be an angry scowl, was a look of curious calm. Lisa adjusted her glasses and scratched at her bald head from beneath her wig.

"I assure you Lori." she said. "This is not what it looks like."

Lori looked up at the top of the fridge, then looked over and Lana still happily munching on the dog biscuits from the box. She frowned a bit before looking down at the young genius.

"It looks like you got Lana to get my cookies off the top of the fridge." Lori said flatly. "And found dog biscuits instead."

Lisa slumped forward a bit. "OK." she said. "Perhaps it is what it looks like."

Lori stared at Lisa blankly as she took a step back, preparing to take the brunt of Lori's anger. Lori looked over at Lana, who held out the box of dog biscuits to her.

"Dgoo you wanth thome?" she asked.

Lori rolled her eyes before looking back over at Lisa, who flinched. Lori chuckled a bit.

"You're the smartest person in the house." Lori said. "And you can't figure out how to get a box of cookies from a high place?"

Lisa face reddened. "I was perfectly capable of doing this on my own!" she snapped. "If my blasted inventions has worked correctly I'd have been eating..."

A thought struck Lisa. "Dog biscuits." she said, her temper dying down. "At the very least, may I know why where there dog biscuits in your box of cookies?"

Lori smirked, turned around and picked up the bag of kale puffs Lisa had grabbed and discarded earlier. "It's a little trick I picked up from Lincoln." she said. "He's always coming up with ways to protect his stuff. So when I asked him for help protecting my cookies..."

She opened the bag of kale puffs, reached inside and pulled out a Fudgedoodle cookie. "...he suggested a bait and switch."

Lisa jaw dropped, a sight that made Lori laugh through the cookie in her mouth. She chewed it up and swallowed the tasty morsel, licking her lips in satisfaction. Then she reached into the bag again and pulled out another cookie, turning the bag upside down afterwards and shaking it.

"Uh-oh. Looks like the last one. I wonder what I should do with this?" She said, waving the cookie teasingly over Lisa's head.

"There's no need to gloat." Lisa deadpanned. "I am well aware of my failure and would prefer you didn't rub it in my face."

Lori frowned for but a moment before kneeling down to look her little sister eye to eye. She held the cookie out to her, a move that left Lisa stunned very briefly. The youngster did a double take between her sister's face and the object she had sought to obtain so dearly. But she didn't reach out to take it from Lori. It just seemed to good to be true.

"If you are sincerely offering me the final Fudgedoodle, I suspect that you want something from me in return?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, you can say 'thank you'. Saying 'please' wouldn't hurt either." Lori told her.

"That cannot seriously be all that you desire in exchange for something so delectable as this."

"You know me so well." Lori said with a smirk. "I'm having some new friends over after school on Friday and I'd literally love it if you didn't freak them out with your science experiments."

And just like that, Lori's willingness to give away the last cookie made much more sense to Lisa. There was little need to think it over, the terms were certainly acceptable.

"Very well then, I shall refrain from performing any sort of lab work for the duration of time you will be entertaining. So now, may I please have the Fudgedoodle?"

Lisa held out her hands and Lori gave it over. Lisa thanked her and then rushed from the kitchen, eager to return to her bedroom where she would enjoy her acquisition in peace. Lori smiled and walked over to the kitchen counter, setting her purse down. Lana meanwhile also took her leave, still munching away on the dog biscuits she had in her possession. Once Lori saw her go, she did a quick check to make sure none of her other siblings were nearby and then she opened one of the cupboards where the plates were kept. She reached up to the topmost shelf, needing to step up on her tiptoes to do so. After a moment, she reached the back of the shelf and pulled out a sandwich bag containing a few more Fudgedoodles. With a smug smile she opened it up and took out one to eat, putting the rest back in their hiding place. Then she went to leave, taking a modest bite out of the cookie.

"Thank you Lincoln."

The end.


End file.
